There’s No Romanticizing This One
I’m really not sure how I'm functioning. The dark circles on my face have found a permanent residence beneath my eyes. I’ve grown accustomed to the soreness in my legs that never seems to go away. I can’t remember the last time my phone wasn’t on “DND.” And for goodness sake, I’m lucky if I eat three substantial meals a day. I’m not looking for pity or solace – just keeping it real.
I don’t think anyone or anything can truly prepare you for college. I mean shit, it’s my second year and I’m still figuring it out. I feel like it’s an ongoing cycle of spinning plates – several tasks command my attention, but I struggle to focus on one. I mean, how can we? We’re thrust into adulthood, expected to manage our academics, health, relationships, and so-on. If you stop to think of it, it’s kind of wild.
I wish I could offer some solid advice for those of you experiencing the same thing, but I simply do not have the answers. I’m just trying my best to stay afloat. That sounds so dramatic now that I’ve read it back to myself, but I’m so serious. College is undoubtedly the time of my life, but with that comes enormous hardship and uncertainty. I’m starting to realize that this period of life is a hugeeee learning experience. Not only do you learn about your field of study, but you learn how to be a responsible adult. Well, most of us do at least. You learn how to navigate on your own, and operate autonomously, and through it all, you begin to uncover the intricacies of who you are and what you value.
It’s funny to think that last November I had my transfer applications filled out and ready to submit. I kept a countdown until the fall semester was over, and I probably would have cried more if I had an ounce of free-time. To say I was miserable would be an understatement, but the irony of it all was that nobody knew. Not one person knew how sick school made me until I physically couldn't do it anymore. Finals week came around, and I got attacked by some unknown illness. It seemed to be the cherry-on-top of my adversity sundae. On a brighter note, this became a running joke in my family – how is it that the healthiest one in the fam always manages to get brutally sick?… especially before exams. I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to see a correlation. My body was clearly beat, my mind was nearing exhaustion, and the radiant version of myself, that everyone came to know and love, was quickly beginning to fade.
I tell this story for a few reasons. 1) There’s no romanticizing this one… Whatever your parents, cousins, & older siblings told you about college, believe it. That includes the part when they said you’d get virtually no sleep and your professors won’t be holding your hand anymore.
You are undoubtedly going to struggle and contemplate every decision you make. You’re going to be thrown on your ass so frequently that you might consider staying there – don’t. Pick yourself up and keep trekking. 2) You’re not special… We all go through the same shit. The way we come out of this only differs because of the perception we have of our current disposition. If you start to compare your achievements (or whatever else) to your peers (or god forbid your friends), snap the hell out of it. You have no idea what they're juggling. And to make all my economics professors proud, you don’t know what their tradeoffs are. There are only so many hours in a day – if someone looks like they’re doing it all, they aren’t. Orrrr they have better time management than you. But again, something always gives; cut yourself some slack. 3) Embrace the discomfort… Shoutout Coach Lindsey for this one. Start to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Sounds counterintuitive until you realize its truth. You will be faced with uncomfortable conversations (like telling your roommate she got cheated on, or addressing a professor about bias in the classroom) – have them anyway. You will be uncomfortable when you first begin making friends and joining clubs – it’s normal and part of the process. Just remember, an uncomfortable situation is an opportunity for growth. Don’t hide from it, dive into it.
Ask me in 2 years what my letter to my younger self would look like. For now, all I can tell you is “ride the wave.” Stop looking for answers to everything. The answers will come when you stop searching. Also, stop second guessing yourself. There are plenty of uncontrollables in this world – your attitude should not be one of them. Let life take its course. You get to be a passenger on the ride of a lifetime.
Until next time,
EC xx
