Hitting the Restart Button
HEY!
It’s been a while, but my head is finally clear. Nobody gives you a timeframe for being in a rut. People might tell you it’s a waiting game, which it is, but the past few weeks have been so much more than that. An absolute clusterfuck of emotions consumed me weekly, and the amount of times I uttered “what is life” could be the world record. Is there even a world record for that? Who knows. That’s not the point. The point is: being in a rut sucks. It sucks because you feel insipid but you can’t really pinpoint the catalyst to this peculiar feeling – and you sure as hell can’t set a date for when you’ll feel like yourself again.
I recently read through old journal entries, and I began to smile at the one from March 5, 2022. Here’s a glimpse of what I wrote:
“All I’m saying is that I need to practice giving myself more of the love I’m seeking. To stick to this, and start (tomorrow) on my new and improved self-love journey, I’m going to write some things that will help me – things that I’m lacking, things that I can do for myself to show myself love and kindness, etc.”
Brief intermission before I continue. WOW. Just, wow. I shock myself with my own words and thoughts because it’s crazy how life repeats itself. I recently saw a quote that said something along the lines of “life will show you the same lesson until you learn from it,” and damn is that true. Maybe being in a rut isn’t so much a lesson as it is a part of a cycle – one we call “life.” Anyway, here’s the list of 10 things I wrote to pull myself out of a gloomy place and start reallocating my energy in more efficient ways.
Pay yourself 1st! In all aspects of life!
Workout in AM/right after class
With finances
Take time to reset
Practice non-judgement
No complaining
Do more things that make me feel alive, happy, & well
Reading
Talking to fam
Meditation & journaling
Running/working out
Cooking
Vlogging
More dance parties
Spend time with people that fill your cup
HUG YOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY/DOG
Notice that it’s okay to crave attention & hugs. It’s human nature. Your feelings are valid
Communicate your feelings
Smile. Smile in the mirror. At strangers. At friends. At babies.
It’s wild to think that I subconsciously, or semi-consciously, I implemented these things into my life again. I must have recognized a pattern, because my brain knew the tools to dig me out of the mud. 1C is bolded because hitting the restart button isn’t a one-time thing. Frankly, you might just hit restart several times a week. That isn’t to say that you’ve failed – quite the opposite actually. Maybe you’re stuck, and you keep forcing a square peg in a round hole. If you keep hitting the button, maybe it’s an indication that your game plan needs adjusting.
Look around you. I’d argue that 85% of us are operating on autopilot. We are running at 100mph and wondering why we feel burnt out and stuck. Personally, I beat myself up for being in a rut because I know it isn’t my norm. I know that I’m capable of operating under high-stress and minimal sleep, but when I’m on week 15 of this pattern, my body shuts down. Sometimes I feel like I’m running so fast I can’t catch a breath. I feel beaten down and defeated – like my approach is failing, my mindset is nearing hopelessness, and my energy is depleted. But every time, and I mean every goddamn time, I reach rock bottom, that golden button saves me from pure defeat. With a big “push me” written all over it, the golden restart button is my saving grace. Like I mentioned earlier, there isn’t a timeline for these feelings and situations. Call it a blessing or a curse, but I’d argue it’s a blessing. Why? Well, there’s no time period. You can restart whenever the fuck you feel like it. Had a bad day? Hit it. Having a grueling week? Restart, baby. Who’s to say you can’t just decide to make an alteration?
I won’t lie, it’s not as simple as just deciding to feel okay. Your emotions might linger, and you might be filled with self-doubt. However, that’s not what I’m referring to. What I am referring to is the fact that you don’t have to view ruts or funks as setbacks. Roadblocks, sure, but setbacks not so much. In my opinion, going through a rut is merely an indication that you need to do some reflecting. What is it that you’re craving? What are you depriving yourself of? And do not, for a second, start to blame the world or God or your ex-boyfriend's grandma’s dog. Like I realized in March, and again in October (and November and so-on), I craved love because I wasn’t giving myself enough of it. I was seeking validation because I felt the need to prove myself. I felt lost because I fed into society’s script that I need to have it all figured out. Once I started to acknowledge where I was falling short, I began to make incremental adjustments – I started to read a chapter of my book before bed. I started eating clean foods. I practiced self-discipline. And somewhat magically, I began to feel whole.
If you’ve read this far, and you can resonate with what I’ve said, I urge you to take time today to reflect on your current standing. Do you wake up excited each morning, or are you going through the motions? Can you confidently say you feel yourself, or do you feel as if an imposter is puppeteering your life? If, for whatever reason, you feel like your heels are stuck in the mud and your brain is a fog, maybe it’s time to reassess your condition.
On a lighter note, I have high hopes for December and I’m feeling like EC again. If you see me smiling for no reason, you know why – we are back, and (almost) better than ever. Cheers, baby! Life is lookin good.
Xx,
EC
