Sorry for my hiatus!
I feel like my thoughts have been eating me up recently, which makes sense seeing that I haven’t written in 3 months. However, I’m here now and ready to strip my thoughts bare so we can both ponder them together.
Since being home from college, I’ve been so in my head. Part of it is going from 100 mph to maybe 50 (which don’t get me wrong is lovely, until you’re 2 months into summer and itching to be at school). I’m still very much in the learning stage when it comes to being where my feet are. When I’m at school I crave the slowness of home. When I’m home I crave my quick-paced, overbooked schedule at school. Besides the point, though. Being away from the blog has resulted in a plethora of thoughts circulating my mind, so I guess we can start with this one…
Last semester of college felt so fulfilling because I set various goals and had my eye glued to the prize. I felt an insane amount of balance in all aspects of my life, and most of that is thanks to my unwavering discipline. If I told myself I was going to wake up and run, I woke up that morning and ran. If I wanted to get straight As, I made sure I set aside time to study my ass off until that was my reality. The list can continue, but for your sake and mine, we will move on.
Since being home, I lost sight of my addiction to this lifestyle. I told myself I deserved a break (which yes, girl, you did), but that break from the hustle became my new reality. I was so mentally checked out, that when I did show up for myself, it didn’t fill my cup like it used to. This little struggle took me a solid 2 months to conquer. I battled with myself, feeling so tense and not knowing why. I knew I wanted to have a transformative summer, but I found it hard to show up for myself and reallllyyy put in the work it would take to get there.Quite frankly, I was starting to focus solely on the outcome and not the journey. I wanted to see results, but I was checked out during workouts. I wanted to practice vulnerability, but I continued to bottle-up my emotions. Every outcome I desired seemed so out of reach because I filled that space with excuses and fear.
After sitting with this for quite some time, I realized a few things.
Romanticizing your life makes it more enjoyable
The root of this statement is gratitude. I'm not saying every experience is going to be sunshine and rainbows, but finding beauty in the mundane, and appreciation for what you have will seriously make life 10x more fun.
2. Falling in love with the journey will lead you closer to the destination
At the end of the day, the destination constitutes a very small piece of your life. The work and satisfaction lies in the journey, so you might as well learn to love it or it will be an uphill battle.
3.Nothing worthwhile comes easy
This one can be hard due to social media and society’s crave for instant gratification, but the sooner I accepted it, the sooner I was able to get out of my own way and start being a doer (not a dreamer). We expect to have good communication with our SOs/friends/family/etc. but we don’t want to put in the time and effort to get there. We want to be fit and run a faster mile and lift PRs, but we don’t want to show up on the days we feel unmotivated. The best, most fulfilling things will never come instantly or by chance. They always come after we show up and continue to evolve.
4. Social media is a god damn highlight reel
Everyone knows it, and I fall victim to it time and time again, but social media isn’t real life. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing. In fact, I think social media is quite beautiful – a space to showcase creativity or stay connected to loved ones – but of course, there’s a downside to this. We see a fraction of someone’s life and wonder how they look a certain way, have certain things, or know certain people. The truth is, there is so much that goes on behind the scenes, and it’s here that we are able to truly live and be in-tune with our wants and needs
Maybe I sound like a hardass, but I needed to share my internal struggles in hopes that it will help reassure some of you. I love digging deeper and putting my brain on display, because it’s exactly what I needed when I was younger – someone or something to tell me that everyday looks different, and everyday is a new opportunity for growth. I promise I won’t ghost you again, and if you catch me slacking I give you full permission to call me out.
Catch ya on the flip!
Xx,
EC
