In-Between
Ahhhhhhh, hello.
Life has been extra busy lately, but in the best ways possible. After a quick little poll on my Instagram, gathering feedback on what y’all want to hear, I’ve finally crafted a unique blend of topics that will (hopefully) satisfy all of you.
Also, can we just take a moment to ponder the fact that I just unironically typed “y’all.” Florida has changed me. Moving on!
Seeing that the responses were so diverse, it took me a while to find a common denominator, BUTTT I landed upon a theme that has been prevalent in my life the past month-or-so: the in-between.
Somewhere in between work and play. Somewhere between constantly trying to evolve and being where my feet are. Between New-England grown and SoFlo adopted. Between craving the hustle and wanting to lay in bed for hours. Somewhere between wanting to perfect my winged liner and pulling up in sweats. Between health-freak and eating an entire bag of chips and salsa. Somewhere between thinking I’ve got it figured out and calling my dad with my newest “existential crisis.”
I’ve realized that this stage of my life is pretty solid. I’m not conforming to old habits of living in extremes. I find myself embracing the in-between. I know I’m young and learning, and that grace is necessary for growth. With all of that being said, I want to dive deeper into different areas of my life that I’ve found a glimpse of balance. Most of you guys inquired about boys (juicy shit, I know). Some of you wanted to hear about the transition to college, or even finding your way in the gym. For goodness sake, some of you even wanted to hear how to craft your perfect wardrobe. Well good news, all of that will be covered, so feel free to pick and choose what you want to read. Orrrrr if you’re feeling inspired, stick around and read it all.
HERE. WE. GO.
By the way, if you’re a country music fan, now would be a great time to play “In Between” by Scotty McCreery.
College
Somewhere between not knowing what I’m doing and calling this place home
Raw honesty: When I first came to FSU, I hated it here. I’ve written briefly about it before, but I had this expectation of what college should be like, and I thought I had little to no control of my life. Well, happy to say that things have changed since then. I’ve come to learn that this place can become home if I water the flowers and tend to my garden. An overwhelmed freshman, unsure of what the next 4 years had in store for me, I was hesitant to make myself known. I sought comfort and (tried) avoiding struggle. First semester taught me that my approach was dog shit, so I started fresh for the spring semester. I often told people that it was a “complete 180,” seeing that I fell in love with the people, scenery, and experiences that Florida State had to offer.
My sister will be attending college in the fall, so here’s a message to her (hey Kat, I love you dawg) and all other high school seniors that feel nervous… Embrace the discomfort. The discomfort of leaving home, of fostering new relationships, of homesickness. Embrace it because it’s temporary and you will in fact be more than okay. Know that college doesn’t look the same for everybody, and your friends are only posting their highlight reels. Nobody really knows what they’re doing, and if they say they know, they’re lying to you. Keep your blinders on and stay focused. Embrace new opportunities and say “yes” to more experiences. Before you know it, you’ll be halfway through your college career wishing for the clock to stop.
For my friends who are in college and struggle to call it home, this one’s for you. Stop comparing. Get out of bed, get off your phone, and go find something that makes you feel alive. Maybe the hustle gives you a thrill, or joining a niche club, or maybe it’s hitting the town on a friday night and meeting new people. I’m not sure what your prerogative is, but your environment will only feel like home if you let it. Trust me, I know how it feels to attend a stereotypical “party school” and feel like you’re the only one who actually gives a shit about anything. At any school, though, that’s simply not the case. Sure Florida State has a rep, but why classify 40,000+ students under one broad umbrella? There’s something for everyone, including you. Also, start with your space. My biggest mistake freshman year was allowing myself to live in a makeshift prison cell (that I called an apartment) with no color or life. Get some flowers if that will bring you joy. Make a routine to get coffee on Fridays, or dress up for class on wednesdays. Life is wayyyyy too short to not treat it like your playground.
Boys
Somewhere between swearing them off and falling for one
I’m not one to publicize my personal life and put my love life on blast, which is the reason I’ve avoided this subject for so long. However, most of you are young women that a) are itching to hear the latest and greatest or b) would like to know how to navigate such a complex subject. I am by noooooo means the Buddha of love, but I can give this my best shot. Ready??? Okkkkk le-gooo!
For a long time (the past 3 years) I’ve been so in-the-zone that I redirect any male that walks my way. Somewhere between “it’s all fun and games” and “I just want a goddamn boyfriend” I found myself sailing the ocean of attachment, intimacy, and affection. I laughed with my girlfriends about the foolish things men have done. I cried with them when pieces of my heart felt shattered and broken. I smiled with them when I realized how content I am with being single and running my life at 100mph… that was until recently, when I met a boy who also runs at 100mph (maybe even 110).
I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason – the breakup after I moved Senior year, the in-betweens that never lasted more than a month, the boy who came in like a tornado – they all taught me something about myself that I never would have realized had they not appeared in my life. Sure, some of them were shitty experiences, but they all built character – each one of them teaching me what I was willing to put up with and what would send me walking. After the most recent, I swore off boys for a while. I lived vicariously through my friends’ love lives, keeping 6 feet away at all times (because why get your heart broken when you can just avoid it all together, right?). However, a silly-little set-up led to an unbelievable bond. I quite literally was left speechless, unable to gather the right words to explain to the girls how epic this man is. I think I summed it up by saying he’s “surreal.”
My point, besides being in utter disbelief that this man just waltzed into my life, is a few things. Ready, set, list!
Don’t close yourself off. Be open to new opportunities
Never settle
Give love to receive love, but don’t go searching for it
Your time will come
There’s no rush
Be true to yourself
Independence and relationships are not mutually exclusive
This maze of emotions is still challenging for me to navigate, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not going to let fear steer my life anymore. I’m not going to allow the fear of the unknown to prevent me from trying. I’m not going to close myself off in fear of being hurt. Because (raw honesty) there’s no avoiding pain – it’s inevitable. It’s simply a matter of what we are willing to suffer for, and quite frankly, I’d rather be heartbroken than live with the pain and regret of wondering “what-if?” Do not get me wrong, I’m still hella scared, but I’ll do it afraid. I’m sure the cliff looks bigger from the top, anyway.
Enough about me, here are a few things for you. Whether you’re about to marry the man (or woman) of your dreams orrrr you’re single (or anywhere in-between) let the love in. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, but also don’t be too serious. If you’re single, and in search of love, STOP! Put yourself out there but don’t chase that one boy like a pong ball on a Friday night. The common denominator here: embarrassment. If he doesn’t like you back, that’s life. Quit attaching yourself to the idea of someone and start seeing them for who they show up as. Don’t wait for the “perfect time” because newsflash: there’s no such thing. And please please pleasseeeee have fun with it – somewhere between silly and serious because it is not that deep.
Fitness
Somewhere between hanging up my cleats and at-home workouts
As I transitioned from routine athlete to sporadic health-junky, I frequently found myself frustrated with my appearance and progress in the gym. I lost the motivation to show up for myself because I no longer had a team surrounding me, and passion that lit my heart on fire. To put it simply, I was lost. Growing up playing soccer shaped me into the person I am today. It taught me the importance of dedication, perseverance, selflessness, and grit. It taught me that when my legs get weak, I need to tap into my strength and push 1% more. Without it, I followed the trends of building muscle in the gym, but day-in and day-out I felt horrible. I had no real goal and I was chasing an image that I knew might never come. I struggled with food and identity for months, trying to find a new balance.
I soon realized that I craved a goal. I craved feeling energized and healthy. I started working out to feel good and de-stress. I cared less about my appearance and more about my health. Soon after this, I decided to give triathlons a try… next thing you know, I was hooked. The race-day adrenaline was the fire I was longing for. The hot runs and vibrant cyclebar rides revived me and made my soul feel alive. Fast forward a year (present day) and I found myself surrounded by 20+ sisters that pushed me to run 13.1 miles FOR THE FIRST TIME in under 2 hours. Talk about soul on fire, that moment was it.
All of this to say that the journey took time. The journey took grit and perseverance. It took trial and error and it took some courage to just try. I can confidently say I’m in a much happier place because I’ve found something that lights my soul on fire. I itch to go for a run because it feels great and I know it's making me faster and stronger (not to mention releasing endorphins that improve my overall mood). I crave movement because it makes me feel great, not because I want to punish my body or obtain a certain appearance. Sure a shredded stomach would be dope, but at the end of the day, that matters less to me than being able to break my mile time. Ya feel me? If you can relate to any of this, all I have to say is trust the process. Cliché, sure, but it’s true. Your fitness journey might look hell of a lot different than your best friend’s, and that’s okay. I mean shit, I run for fun… that deserves some bullying for sure. I kid, I kid, but you get what I’m sayin. Find something that you actually look forward to doing. That isn’t to say you will want to run 5 miles a day or hit legs when you're exhausted but the point is, find something you thoroughly enjoy. Something that after completing it will make you feel that much better. LETTTTT’S GOOOOO.
Fashion
Somewhere between following the trends and wearing a purple metallic jacket on the streets of Tallahassee
I find it so funny when people ask me for fashion advice because I feel sooooo underqualified, but hey, thank you very much, I’m flattered. Growing up in a school uniform made it really hard to figure out my sense of style. If I wasn’t in a skirt and button down, I was in a soccer uniform or leggings. Of course I went through a Lilly phase, if you know, you know. From there, I guess I started experimenting with different pieces, gathering inspo on Pinterest and seeing what pieces fit my shape the best. Like my process with the gym, there was a lot of trial and error involved in my fashion journey (I am still figuring it out).
I’d say I’m most inspired by European, clean-cut styles with a sprinkle of beach cowgirl, and a wholeeeee bunch of color. I’ve found that I’m most confident when I don’t limit myself and subject myself to one style, cut, or color. I like a wide variety of designs, and that ultimately created my unique(ish) sense of style. Sooooooo some tips for you if you have the slightest interest in your dress.
Brace yourselves for yet another list…
Have fun with it – there are no rules to fashion. To the trained eye, style is a beautiful way of expressing yourself. It’s an art, and artists don’t put themselves in a box and follow rules… they color outside the lines.
Find pieces that accentuate your features – some people might not want to hear it (and they might disagree) but stop fighting your body. A 5’11 model is not going to look the same in a midi dress as a petite young lady. A slender man is not going to look the same in a fitted shirt as a man with huge muscles. Know your body and know what feels good and looks flattering, then work with it, not against it. If you don’t like the way something looks, then don’t force a square peg in a round hole. Move on.
Stop caring so much – if you like it, who cares if I don’t? Wear that fit like you mean it. Afterall, confidence is the best accessory.
Just try – experiment with things. You won’t know what looks good until you try it. Play with different color combinations, fabrics, styles, etc. Creating your unique style is like a kindergartener making a picture for art class – picking a ton of random crayons that they’re drawn to and making a masterpiece. Play around with it, it’s pretty fun.
I haven’t written this much in a hot minute, but I guess this is what happens when you go on a blog-hiatus. I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I’ll make a conscious effort to chat more often. Somewhere in-between writer’s block and chatty-cathy.
Until next time,
EC xx
