Senior Year: Part I

I’m halfway through my first semester of senior year, and there are a lot of thoughts swirling through my head – where will I be 7 months from now, do I need to go to Grad school, am I being too hard on myself… do I need to let loose a little, should I be checking in on my friends more, do I have any idea what I’m doing? The perpetuating cycle of questions only seems to quiet when I am balls-to-the-walls busy and have no time to think. The second I am left alone with time to ponder my life, goals, relationships, and career path, I start to over analyze and dissect every minute detail of my life.

If there is one thing I’ve learned, though, it’s that I am consistent – every damn October I fall into this mind-spiraling rut after burning myself to the ground for a few months. I take up some new responsibility, question if I can handle it, determine I can handle it, then question it again when shit gets hard and I need to hear I am capable. Besides that, my body is shutting down, screaming for a break during the busiest week of my life (alright, that’s a tad dramatic - maybe just the busiest week of my semester). The sickness fortunately has not hit as bad this year, probably because I anticipated its arrival. I don’t even fight it anymore… I’m kind of just here, knowing I will make it through, knowing life gets more enjoyable, and trying my damn hardest not to complain about it.

So back to what seems like a never-ending stream of thoughts – I have all these questions and not one single answer. I’m lowkey scared. It’s easy as hell to tell myself everything works out the way it should, and all this other happy crap that adults tell us to make us feel better. Honestly, it doesn’t help at all. Deep down I know things always unfold as they are meant to, but that doesn’t stop the fear of the future from seeping through the cracks. Reading this back I sound so negative and worrisome, and it’s probably the burnout and lack of sleep talking. Maybe my excitement for whatstocome is being masked by fear. Who knows?

Aside from all these feelings of uncertainty, I’d say senior year has been quite fruitful. I anticipated this semester to be one of my busiest ones yet, and I often questioned if I had the bandwidth to tackle it… 7 weeks in and I guess you can say I’m doing just fine. Classes are swell, friends are present, the sorority is fulfilling, and my most favorite pastime (networking on LinkedIn) is going swimmingly. The only shortcoming I’ve noticed is writing for this blog… oh, and taking pictures; my camera roll is currently just screenshots of people’s fountain dates and the sporadic friday-night-on-the-town pic that was sent three days later. I told Sam a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to be better at capturing the little moments and appreciating every mundane moment of senior year. I guess you can say this is me sticking to my word.

And now the long-awaited life update.

HEY!
If you read through all of that, I commend you. My brain has a zillion tabs open at all times, so I’ll try my best to compartmentalize for your sake and mine. Here’s what you’ve missed in the last 8 months:

Spring break (aka a fever dream)

Those of you who have heard the story have probably heard it 10x over, but spring break was a fever dream. Picture unbothered, unproblematic, high-on-life EC frolicking on a cruise ship with her best friends… Essentially, it was the best week of my life, despite losing my voice on day 3 after too much karaoke and one-too-many frozen mojitos. Room 7533 will go down in history after the constant dance parties to lady gaga, 7am wakeups to run before breakfast, and dinner pre-games with a bottle of freakshow. One thing (a dance off with random guys at the bar) led to another (dance parties every night thereafter), and I found myself sitting in the hottub with Sam 20 minutes before we needed to be at dinner. Needless to say we were always running into dinner with sopping wet hair and a boatload of stories to unpack with our respective tables… & not to mention a signature toast for each night we shared together.

As if the dream couldn’t get any more surreal, I made a bestie-pact with the giggle monster, befriended the second sexiest man, & got engaged (and married) to Bob Marley in front of 25 high schoolers. This week was such a core memory for me – Constant play, constant silliness, and all the energy I will be channeling as soon as the grind-monster is locked up.

An anticlimactic summer

I say anticlimactic because after the spring semester I endured, you’d think the vibes would be equally as high leading into summer… I thought the same thing. Without an internship, or anything that felt substantial, I fell into a rut. It took a lot of time alone, (too much??) reflection, and frequent 2-hour factimes with Sam to start rewriting my narrative. I competed in a couple more triathlons, accompanied by the most supportive people, and made a few local trips to see people I adore. All-in-all, a lowkey summer that was pivotal for growth.

Recruitment (the ultimate simulation)

Itching to get back to school, I packed my car with all the spirit week and recruitment essentials, turned on a podcast, and headed on my way. To make a long story short, I moved into what’s called “The Treehouse,” celebrated Sam’s 21st, and slept soundly in my new twin-sized bed, eager for what the next 2 weeks would have in store. Recruitment brought a lot of delusion from lack of sleep, met with a lot of laughter, of course. All the delusion was worth it, though, when Kat ran home to the nest. Seeing her welcomed with open arms by the woman who welcomed me with the same love was the cherry on top of my senior year recruitment …besides jumping in the fountain with all my girls #syfi, to commemorate the first of many lasts. 

FDOC (and everything in-between then and now)

Senior year officially rolled in with the best vibes – I found myself at Bowden’s every Friday night dancing to live music, dunkarooing at one-too-many tailgates, attending gameday brunches that felt so familial, & scheduling coffee dates like it was nobody’s business. I wouldn’t say I’ve had any moments worth writing home to mom about – besides meeting Bob Marley’s grandpa, but that’s a story for another time. 

Consider this a proof of life post/senior year check in part one/etc. Whatever you call it, I’m stoked to be back, & we’ll chat soon.

Catch ya later,

EC